The Longest Experiment of My Life

Sometimes I get the feeling that my days are like a never-ending loop of the same day-to-day routine. Wake up, get ready for gan drop-off, drop off, grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, etc. While on the surface, my schedule looks the same, the underlying experience is very much like an experiment.

As much as I like to think I have things under control, there are so many trial and error experimentations and testing of hypotheses that I constantly undergo. Often, the results of my experiments are unexpected, based on the changing parameters  that have been thrown at me. This drastically shapes my reflection, at the end of my day.

What I’ve come to learn, so far, is that life is more dynamic than we hope for it to be, but, that’s life! When I finally figure out my kids, my husband, even myself down to science, that’s when I realize that that’s exactly what we are, a science experiment. Science likes to think that it knows all the facts, however it is constantly evolving as novel ideas are discovered and new conditions are introduced.

Does science just give up and say, “forget it, we’ll never get it right anyways?” No! If it had, we wouldn’t have the light bulb and we’d still be in the dark ages. On the contrary, science tries to perfect and improve its theories no matter the challenge. And so it does. There is not a single scientist who solves every problem, but rather each discovery advances mankind.

According to Oxford Dictionary, the word experiment originates from Old French or Latin, experimentum, from experiri ‘try’. This. Is. My. Life.

My oldest is of course my Guinea pig. She is the brunt of my experiments. She’s the first on whom I try my “ideal parenting tactics” – which sometimes fail miserably. Throughout her infancy, when I just about felt comfortable with her sleeping patterns, eating habits, etc…, she matured to a whole new stage with brand new patterns to adjust to.

So now, with my second, I was sure I had perfected my new-and-improved parenting book. It would inevitably make the New York Times best-seller list, garnering me millions. I had gone through numerous trials, under various conditions and recorded the cause and effect. Yet, this child, with his unique soul and individual characteristics reacts differently to the exact same stimuli.

What I’ve learned is that I can only TRY to be a good mother. I can attempt to be the perfect wife and aim to be the greatest person who ever lived, but I will not succeed. I will never become the perfect person, but that is not what Hashem wants of me. He just wants me to improve a little bit more each day, building on what happened the day before.

Not every day will be a success, neither does every experiment have a favorable outcome. But, if I learn from my setbacks, then even my mistakes can be turned into a win!

All I need to do is experiment.